I’ve been carrying around a bit of dark secret when it comes to my work. And it isn’t easy to admit. Truth though, is something I hold very tight. So here goes.
My name is Alice and I am a devastatingly pathetic procrastinator.
Or at least I was. Let me talk you through the past few months.
There was a moment back in October, I think it was, my business was in flux (my own decision, it turned out for the best, but felt uncomfortable at the time), and I was sat here, right where I’m typing from now, getting my thoughts onto my weekly email.
I knew what I wanted to say. And quickly wrote the title of the newsletter. Then I immediately flicked over and checked my emails. While I was there, in my inbox, I thought I might as well scoot along and read a handful of headlines.
Just as I was mentally preparing myself to get back to newsletter, my phone pinged: a WhatsApp message confirming dinner with friends. My next step (obviously) was to slide into my Google calendar where I just…. and so it went on.
By the end of the day, I had written no more than that blasted title. What was moving was the guilt, which I could feel rising up and around my stomach, seeping devilishly into every pore I owned. I felt wretched.
Wretched for not getting that newsletter done. Worse for wasting my time. And somewhat of a fraud. I am a careers expert, for goodness sake. I know this stuff. I know the ways around these barriers that we put in our own way. I’ve crafted my whole professional self to be a provider of practical, career-progressing advice. And there I was, guilt ridden, unproductive, a mess.
Perhaps you feel like that too sometimes? It is normal. When I am in a stronger place (last October/November felt very hard), I am able to reason with myself, cut Alice a bit of a break. That day though, I can still feel the shame.
After my Christmas break, I resolved to do things differently. I was done with my phone. I was done with multi-tab flicking. I was done looking in the mirror and knowing I had way more to give, way more to achieve. If only I could find my concentration, and hold it there for a solid, rewarding amount of time.
This is how I found my focus again.
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