Authenticity: Is It A Misnomer?

(Also, you wait until you get inside this September head)

Holiday life is way less complicated

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If I say I am turning up as my most authentic self, what do I mean? I am going to attempt to answer that question a bit further down. I’m not sure it’s just being ‘me’, or ‘you’. Because, really what does that mean? I”ve been thinking quite a bit about this all.

First though, some honest chat, which fits with the topic, and feels important to share. I am struggling a bit. I am also wildly inspired. It is strange when two seemingly opposite can be simultaneously true. If you can’t already tell, inside my head is not, like, a haven right now.

1. My AllBright job is wicked. I love it. I also (yes, more contradictions) am still trying to work it all out. One half of myself, my head maybe, and then I think, no it’s my heart, says, I want all of it, the full 5 days - both feet, jumping in. And then, I swivel back to balance, to that elusive (I have not achieved Nirvana equilibrium) concept of Having It All. A term I hate more now than ever, but which plays on my conscience, because I have a lot of energy giving elements. I am rambling, if you are still reading, congratulations.

2. Oh my goodness September is a sly dog. She stands there, all shiny at the end of summer, promising days of endless organisation, low, dappled evening light, freedom - if you’re a parent - from the summer slog. Actually live September you experience something else entirely: are you also slammed? Because transitioning from holidays to arguably the busiest time in the year across just one Bank holiday when you drink too much and pretend reality does not exist sets you up for a head slam fall.

3. Couples Therapy is back on. I actually do not think this needs further explanation.

So that is kind of me in summary. I am also lusting after these chunky Penny Loafers. What do we think?

Am I being authentic telling you all of this? Perhaps. More likely is that I’ve been harbouring some guilt over the summer about taking a Substack break, and now, unexpectedly, it seems I have developed some kind of Substack unease. Like, do I have anything interesting to say? I am trying to push through and prove to you that the answer is ‘Yes!’ but I can’t guarantee that you’ll be able to use today’s missive as validation.

Where I want to get to, I am shortcutting there now and putting you all out of your misery, is to authenticity. A word so overused in my world (The world?) that has become an empty shell tossed on well meaning waves. We all want to be authentic, I think? I’m right, yes. Because we’re told we should. It’s an important part of being an inspiring leader, a good human, a role model. Being authentic, is a shortcut to happiness! We are not suppressing, we are freeing!

My question, again then, is what does turning up as your authentic self even mean, when self is destined - and intended - to evolve?

No this self is not the same as the self typing this newsletter last September. Many parts remain consistent, of course they do; this self though, has read, talked, lived, travelled and felt some new shit. So this authentic self, is not the authentic self of 2023, and yet, the message from those that be (we must quieten the echo chamber), is that authenticity is a gold standard for leadership. But surely a simplistic understanding of its meaning is rendering the whole exercise pointless and exhausting? And worse, is holding us back as women?

I bring in the gender piece here because I am pretty sure (generalisation incoming) that there aren’t many men talking deeply about authenticity. Hear me out. Authenticity is dangerous when we latch onto it as an excuse for sticking with what’s comfortable. Few jobs allow us to do this for long, and this is doubly true when we advance - or want to advance - in our careers. Then, there are expectations to change.

Not fundamentally change who we are, or rewrite our values. But change from one authentic self to another. Which brings me to another chunky topic I’ll similarly scrap the top of: identities. Because those necessary career change points often trigger a strong impulse to protect our identities and so naturally we revert to the longest standing known identity (usually dragged through from childhood), despite it likely being way past its sell by date. We could, in this headspace further set ourselves up for a fall by retreating to familiar behaviour, even when we know they don’t serve us.

I do not have an answer to the question I have posed, what I am doing, even just by writing this newsletter (which by the way, has been sat in my mental outbox for weeks and been an absolute b*tch to get down on paper), is accepting that change is hard. And that I am somewhere new. I am, I figure, at least succeeding in not regressing back, and for that, I am proud.

Huddle link below.